


The Hail Mary Pass

by coffeehousehaunt



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Porn Battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeehousehaunt/pseuds/coffeehousehaunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Clever girl," she says, eyes sliding down Buffy's body and back up like it's the first time she's actually seen her, and suddenly Buffy wants to hear her say that again, wants River to see her again, so badly that it aches. </p><p>"Betcha say that to all the girls." She shoots back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hail Mary Pass

**Author's Note:**

> Post-S9 for Buffy, and mid-season S5 of Doctor Who. No plot spoilers, but some things mentioned in passing might sound a little weird if you haven't read at least through Season 8 of the Buffy comics, and the Willow arc of Season 9.
> 
> Also: I wrote most of the porn to Robert Shaw's "Ave Maria", which is where I got the title and the setting from. Because not only do I like blasphemy, it's apparently one of my writing kinks.

Of course the spell went wrong. Buffy knew it when they ended up in some techno-wizard's lair; nothing _that_ nerdy would be lurking in her or Angel's subconscious. Willow did say it was kind of a Hail Mary pass, but usually those turn out pretty well for her. Her mojo must not be all back yet. 

There's a weird guy in a bowtie who won't get out of their faces and reminds her of Willow, if Willow were male and on speed. He's called the Doctor, and he likes to think he runs things. But Buffy's pretty sure that's actually the redhead, the only one who looks remotely normal, because she's the one who finally gets him to calm down and behave. Amy. She has a cool Scottish accent. 

And then there's River. Or, _Riv-ah_ , as the Doctor introduces her, because they've apparently dropped into a British alternate universe. Maybe not so far off from their castle in Scotland. 

River's over at the console, actually flying the--Buffy thinks he called a Tardis, or maybe a starfish? She was a little disoriented--while the Doctor flutters and pokes at them with his weird glowy vibrator thingy and the techno-lair shudders and jerks and sparks. That's Buffy's first glimpse of River, deep red mouth and curls for days, heels hanging off one of the screens, eyes locked on some readout or other while she stabilizes the Starfish. 

TARDIS. Definitely TARDIS. She makes a Grumpy Cat joke and no one gets it. Do they not have Grumpy Cat in this dimension? This must be a hell dimension. 

"Not dimension," the Doctor says in his offhandedly dire tone--that's gonna get old fast--studying a readout on his vibrator thingy. It's apparently called a "sonic screwdriver", which isn't any better. "Universe." 

"What's the difference?" 

"You opened a rift through the Voidspace from your universe and dropped into another one entire, not simply an aspect of your own. And quite the _distance_ , too. Not a simple parallel." He looks between them, all dark quick eyes and hollows, and suddenly he looks _old_. And kinda scary. "Where's your power source? You showed up without protection of any sort. You should have died or been stranded somewhere in the Void." 

There's a confused moment. "Well, I cast a spell--" Willow starts. The Doctor's brow furrows and his mouth curls dismissively. 

"No such thing." He aims his sonic vibrator at Willow and it warbles. He looks at the readout and his eyes widen. He looks from Willow to Buffy and back again. "Well." 

Willow's face scrunches with worry, and Buffy almost laughs. She's always afraid she's gonna fail the test. She looks around. River and Amy are watching from the--flight deck. It must be a flight deck of some kind. She realizes with a shock that River's at least in her late thirties, maybe early forties. She looks them over now that the TARDIS is stabilized, and her eyes are brilliant green and don't linger anywhere for long. She's _elegant_. Kinda like what Buffy's always thought she might be someday, until she realized she'd never actually reach forty. Buffy misses a few beats of the conversation, and it's enough to throw her. 

She's not sure what she says while she's trying to get back into it; it's not even a space pun. It's still a little too over her head for that--honestly, do they even speak English in this universe? And they don't exactly get California pop culture references. Well, Amy sorta does, but she just smiles. All she knows is, whatever she says, it gets River's attention. 

"Clever girl," she says, eyes sliding down Buffy's body and back up like it's the first time she's actually seen her, and suddenly Buffy wants to hear her say that again, wants River to _see_ her again, so badly that it aches. 

"Betcha say that to all the girls." She shoots back, hoping she wasn't just standing there with her jaw on the floor. She kinda was. 

River's smile is six kinds of something that melts Buffy into her boots, and she really should think before she opens her mouth without a pun prepared. "Only if they're good." Her breath actually catches a little. She can feel River's voice in entirely inappropriate places. Her body is only supposed to do that for guys. Hunky, undead guys. That Doctor's jaw drops and his nostrils flare. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Amy duck her head and press her lips together to hold in a laugh. 

She _so_ just got in over her head. Willow catches her eye. 

"Shut up." 

"I didn't say anything." 

* * *

She's not really down with stealing. There was this one time, it must've been forever ago, she ended up getting caught--

Well, she's become an international jewel thief since then. Back in her home universe, even. So, really, it doesn't bother her that much. Especially if it's for the right cause. That must be why River doesn't even consider the possibility she'd say no when she tells her they have to steal an artifact out of a church built over the ruins of some ancient temple--

One perfectly-polished blood-red nail taps the cross on her chest, and Buffy hopes that River can't tell she's holding her breath, not because she smells bad or anything--River even smells like the future, heady and not at all sweet, like nothing she recognizes, but the undertone of explosive residue and that matchbook smell of sparks is apparently ahistorical--

"--Unless _this_ is going to be a problem for you." She's saying. Oh. She has to breathe to respond to that. It comes in sudden and kind of uneven and definitely way too loud. 

"Uh--no. No, not at all. Um. It's just a--just a Slayer thing. Crosses and... Vamps. Not even sure how they work." Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Jesus, wasn't she supposed to be over this by twenty-one? Of course River knows, or at least doesn't care, and here she is, babbling way outside the question's scope-- 

River smiles that irritatingly uninformative smile that manages to twist Buffy's guts with--she's not sure if it's hope or disappointment. "Hm. Maybe it has something to do with the basic energy of your dimension being incompatible with theirs. It must be poisonous to them. Religious symbols often serve as focal points or repositories for energy of all kinds; it's why they provoke such strong feelings Beyond simple social conditioning, of course." 

Of course. Why didn't she think of that before? 

"The Seed of Wonder." River says aloud, like she's thinking to herself, and Buffy doesn't know whether to feel miffed that she's so invisible or grateful that--hopefully--River isn't paying attention to her as she runs her forefinger down the small cross again and Buffy almost combusts then and there. The only reason she doesn't is because she's stopped breathing again; you can't combust without oxygen. Science--she can science, too. 

"What a lovely metaphor." River murmurs. 

Or English. 

"So, can I count you in?" Right. There was a reason River was talking to her. 

"Uh--yeah. Yeah, I'm in." 

* * *

River grabs her wrist and pulls her through a weirdly short door set into the wall with surprising strength. Buffy's adrenaline is going so hard that it radiates out through her body and makes every muscle ratchet up in tension another three degrees. 

Through the door, it's tiny, cramped, and dark, and everything feels too loud after the flat sprint she was at a few seconds ago. Wood, darkness, and River's body. There's more head room than the door lets on, though. Thankfully. 

"Ow! What _is_ this?" 

"Ssh. Confession booth." 

"Isn't this a bit big?" She's only been in just the one. But this one seems like it could seat three. 

"The inhabitants--" River cuts off and starts again. "Parallel universe. Things are different." 

Just over the sound of her heartbeat, she can hear singing--a choir? She catches an _Ave_ \--are they singing the Ave Maria? There's a cathedral where they sing the Ave Maria and kill people who come in during off-hours? Somehow, this is weirder than the time travel-parallel universe thing. But then, the whole Anglican Marines deal makes _no_ sense whatsoever. 

The box is practically vibrating as she tries to catch her breath, stay still--but her muscles are humming, and it's too damn _close_ in here. It's the rush. She can see River's outline, the shadows sharp and liquid, and she doesn't know how someone so effortlessly composed and elegant one moment can just radiate violence and purpose in another. Why the guards aren't here right now escapes her, because the combined adrenaline from their bodies has to be causing ripples in the local space-time continuum or something. This close, this high, she feels almost immortal. God, usually she has an outlet for this. 

But it's too dark and too damn close. 

Instinct. She's got that. She feels like an animal, something small and instinctive--especially next to River. But instinct is where she lives. And right now, she can feel it on River, too--that instinct. Riding the rush. Like Faith, but this time, Buffy's the younger one. She's pretty sure that's why it happens. 

For the first time in possibly the history of ever, Buffy makes the first move, because something's going to explode if she doesn't. Slides up and swings a leg across River's lap, and their mouths practically collide. River tastes like lipstick and the smell of gunfire. Her mouth is just as demanding as Buffy thought it would be, deceptively skilled as she takes control of the kiss, and Buffy gives under her mouth. Instinct got her this far. She holds on and wills River to know what to do next. 

They could get caught. She knows that--and they would probably die if they did. She is never safe, never has been safe since she was sixteen--but River is magnetic and all Buffy can hear is her heartbeat, all Buffy can do in the dark is hear and feel, and all she feels is River. River is in charge. She knows that, too. 

River--River is daring the guards to come find them. Kisses her just this side of urgently. Runs her hands over Buffy's body and _owns_ her. Owns the booth. Owns the artifact. Owns the guards, too. She doesn't have to force her tongue into Buffy's mouth when Buffy's melting open. 

One of River's hands curves around over her ass to her lower back, drawing Buffy's hips down, her legs even further apart, and her other hand--

"Clever" is not the word she'd use. Maybe "unholy" or just "holy" or--even better--"Holy fuck--"

"Ssh." River hushes against her mouth, barely a breath. She might actually pass out. 

They're hiding from over a dozen armed guards with a stolen book and weapons banned on this planet, maybe twenty yards and around a corner from a practicing choir. In a box made of wood. Wood that looks pretty and dark and scrapes and will break if she tries to hold onto it to keep the sounds threatening to spill out of her throat inside her. So she grabs onto the thing she's probably most likely going to break--River. 

Except she doesn't. Buffy can break cinderblocks with barely more than scratched knuckles, but River doesn't seem to care when Buffy's got a grip on her she knows would bend industrial steel. 

At some point, she gives up and just lets her head fall against River's shoulder. Her hips will pretty much do whatever they want at this point. Or what River wants; she's got more control in the one hand on Buffy's lower back than Buffy has in her entire frontal lobe right now. 

She just listens to the voices echoing off the stone and tries to breathe. 

"Oh god." She whispers when she can't hold it in anymore. "Oh god oh god oh god." 

"Well, if you _insist_ on calling me that." 

* * *

She's nervous--beyond nervous. The last--first--girl she did this with was Satsu, emphasis on _girl_ , which River is absolutely _not_. 

That didn't even sound right in her own head. 

River laughs softly when she tries to do something Satsu did to her--hey, she got pretty good at it--and Buffy's stomach plummets and her skin shivers at the same time, until River's hand closes on the back of her head. She didn't know a person could say that much with just a hand and their hips. For a long time, or at least that's how it feels, her awareness dissipates, caught between the subtle shifts in River's hips and the sharpness of her fingernails in her scalp. This, the hips--sort of makes sense. Like fighting. But wetter. And completely different. She gets lightheaded, sometimes, because she's not quite sure how to breathe. 

River's hand shifts on the base of her skull, pressing more than digging, and it feels like a flash of lightning goes off in her stomach. Oh. _This is happening._ She has no clue. Not. A. Clue. What to do. River's palm presses a little more fully, and Buffy didn't realize how _strong_ she is until just now. It's almost like River's inviting her to--

Oh. 

She has to use more of her strength to keep everything in place; River, her mouth. Didn't realize just how intense this was getting. But all of a sudden, here it is. Almost completely still and silent in the tiny space, but there's enough tension between their bodies Buffy's surprised the booth hasn't exploded. Just from her holding River down, River working against her. They're well past Slayer-strength territory and into fighting-for-life territory, with barely more than the sound of their breathing. Her muscles are _burning_. It's the best workout she's had since she came to this universe. 

River's hair slides softly on the back of the booth as her head falls back, and it takes all her Slayer strength to hold her hips down. What _is_ she? 

River looks down at her, and Buffy can feel her lips twist in the darkness, her eyes on Buffy. This smile, Buffy's almost sure, is very specifically for her. Warmth and approval and a tilt to her lips that releases all the tension in her body, and she can't help but grin back. _I did that. I made that happen_. 

"Clever girl." River purrs, and that's all she's ever wanted to hear from that mouth. _I did it right._ River checks the screen, adjusts her clothes with the other hand. "All clear. Let's go."


End file.
